We live in a world where it is easy to compare ourselves to others in our physical presence along with our accomplishments leaving us feeling discouraged or as if we are not enough. Allison and guest Katie Hughes talk about how improving your relationship with our Savior Jesus Christ can help each of us see ourselves in a new way and embrace the quest of a lifetime of learning to love who we are as we progress into becoming who we want to be.
Katie Wilson Hughes is a wife, mother, business owner, speaker and advocate for families. She graduated with a degree in Human Development and Family Studies from The University of Utah. She worked as a Coordinator for CES Youth and Family Programs at Brigham Young University and coordinated other creative efforts for non-profit organizations such as The Christmas Box House, International in Salt Lake City. A perpetual business owner, Katie has created several successful businesses from the ground up, including one in which she wholesaled women’s accessories to stores across the US. She loves growing things and continues to look for opportunities to create and share with others. Her life passion is her family – believing that “love is in the details”. With this idea, she loves inspiring women to find meaningful connections with their own families, each other and God. Her favorite pastime is gathering, creating space for others to feel loved and welcomed. She recently co-authored a book entitled “The Gathering Home.” In addition, she loves building bridges of faith as a co-founder of Multiply Goodness, a non-profit organization focused on empowering women to love God’s word and create meaningful connections. Her love for her home and family, her husband, 5 children (+1 son in law) and everything holy or beautiful, can be found at @thehugheshouse on Instagram.
Note: Transcripts are automatically generated and therefore might occasionally have errors.
Hello, friends.
This is Allison, and I actually have a good friend of mine.
0:22
Katie Wilson Hughes here with us today.
Katie and I go back quite a ways.
We went to East High School together here in Salt Lake City.
And we have kind of been connecting a little bit more this past year and I’m so honored that it is taking time out of her schedule to be able to sit and have this conversation.
0:39
So one of the things that when we were trying to decide what we wanted to talk about, I had an experience that I shared a little bit of this, with Katie, but I feel like I’ll share some here, he was one of those people, so in high school, I kind of struggled a lot with self-doubt and and just the way I viewed myself due to, some of my life circumstances, and he was always someone that I admired a lot and respected and she and I like she was always so kind, but I always like, really admired her wanted to be more like you.
1:08
And I remember, oh, like just following your story for years now.
I’ve been, you know, got married and the kids and then you shared a post I think was about two years ago.
How you struggled with the way you view yourself until you had your Bridal, pictures?
1:24
You never felt beautiful.
You never felt like attractive in that way.
And it resonated with me because I was like he’s a person I thought was just beautiful and kind and all the stuff you wanted to be.
So that kind of hit me that I feel like everybody has.
1:40
That’s a little bit of that inside them.
I think it’s a very natural part of being a woman, especially, but even men Yeah.
And so, since then Katie, and I’ve talked a little bit about that, and I thought if someone like Katie and someone like me has struggled with is what it, what are others doing with, and you’ve raised three daughters, who were out of the house.
2:04
I have two young daughters, how do you feel?
Like as we start this discussion?
Is this something that are like the girls, nowadays are still dealing with and what do we as women as mothers and Is adult want to pass on to our children so that they don’t have to experience it the way that it.
2:23
Mmm, I love this discussion.
First of all, Alison, thank you so much for having me on.
It means the world and I loved the reconnecting.
It just means so much that you would reach out and be able to have this discussion with me.
2:39
I love these conversations because they’re so real and we can connect in ways that feel like Um, like it’s deeply personal and I love that it was that post that Drew you.
In when really truly, I have struggled my whole life with self-worth and with maybe the best way to put this, as just like the views of the world.
3:04
Like, I always felt a little different, you know, with all my high-school friends, they were beautiful cheerleaders and dancers.
And I always just did not feel like, I kind of measured up to Them.
But I knew I had a good personality and that was kind of like my Saving Grace and but I remember not really feeling beautiful according to like the ways of the world until I had had these pictures out of my bridles.
3:32
And I finally felt like, oh, that’s a pretty picture of me and it’s so sad because I look back and I think this is probably a very real.
I would say a very real feeling that many girls fill many Men bill.
3:48
And I knew I was a daughter of God and I don’t know why I had that.
But it is something that has been in my heart, my whole life and was fostered by my mother and father who helped me know that helped me.
4:06
See that and so it was nurtured into me but it was also the nature of who I was.
I knew who I was and even though I maybe didn’t feel as beautiful as I had hoped.
But I knew I had worth, and I knew there was something about my Divine identity, and for me, I feel like that.
4:25
If it doesn’t come naturally, we have to teach it.
We 100% have to teach it.
And I do very much feel like, as a mother and in raising girls and boys, I mean, I don’t have this, in my boys.
We have to teach Divine identity.
4:41
We absolutely do and we have to teach this and, and continue to test If I of it to them as we’re loving them and being the parents mom or father, or both that we are hoping to be for our children.
4:59
Yeah, I think that’s a really good point.
Is that does my background.
I mean, my mom was a single mom working and we joined the church when I was 8, but it wasn’t something.
I think that was instilled in quite the same way.
Like we didn’t have that spiritual component.
5:17
Around worth, and that’s something that I’ve been finding or the last.
Like, I’m in my 40s that I’ve been discovered in the past two years.
Like I, I’ve heard it Institute, I heard in seminary, I heard it from teachers, but it didn’t resonate inside of me until recently, and it has completely changed my life.
5:36
And I think that, that really is the key is that the ability to see ourselves in a way that we know who we are.
And we find our Your purpose, our individual worth our individual component.
5:52
That brings us into this world with our gifts and think that we offer the world, you and I both have spent time on social media.
I have seen a lot of people wanting to like, we have influencers and there’s a beauty in that sometimes I think we compare even as adult we want we see what like kind of what I was doing with you.
6:12
When I was younger is I you want to be with somebody else’s and I I feel personally that a lot of when you realize who you are, what you bring to the table is such an important part of this discussion.
Like for me I was diagnosed with ADHD about a year and a half ago, that knowledge.
6:32
Oh me understand who I was.
And so instead of always pointing out my fault myself, I was like, oh well that’s just part of who I am but let’s look at what this does and that has opened me to stop comparing.
Yeah, and be like, well, I’m And because I’m not like this person, or that person has also allowed me to embrace who I am.
6:54
Yes, I was reading something this morning.
I was telling Katie before we started that, whenever I’m prepared for this podcast, I made to the things that appear.
And I came across this quote, and I just want to share, it’s from Patricia Holland.
Who is the wife of Jeffrey R. Holland of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, general authorities.
And she says our heavenly father, Father, Our Father in Heaven needs us as we are, as we are growing to become.
He has intentionally, made us different from one another, but they even with our imperfections, we can fulfill his purposes.
7:28
Mike make great misery.
Comes when I feel, I have to fit what others are doing or what I think others expect of me, I am most happy when I’m comfortable being me and trying to do what my Father in heaven.
And I expect him to be, you have, I think that’s a beautiful quote, she talks about how she’s very, very quiet and then her Is very outgoing and bushes and bubbly is how she described it and so she try to be that bubbly person and she’s like I’m not Jeff Holland like yeah that could work.
7:56
Yeah.
And like in your situation like you have discovered some gifts that you’ve been given in your life.
We’ve talked about that.
Like one of your gifts is gathering and you often say that love is in the details and it’s something that’s that’s resonated with me.
8:14
My question for you is how Often do you spend the details and take the time to intentionally be aware of yourself, and show, love to yourself.
That’s such a great question.
And, you know, I feel like I’m still practicing how to do that.
8:31
So I think it’s one of those things that we have to practice.
I think it’s one of those things that we have to discover.
I mean, here I am at 45 and I still don’t really have.
It figured out, but I do have a few things figured out.
And one thing I know is I’m really drawn to authenticity.
8:47
I’m really drawn to realness and genuine connection and sharing and you were talking to, you know, about influencers and if you have to be so careful with that word.
I mean regardless, we are being influenced for worse or for better all the time.
9:06
And I’ve often thought in my mind, if I ever do anything, I want to be influencing for the better, but just by the nature of myself, I mean, I am good at a lot of things and I do know that about myself.
I kind of been a jack of all trades, master of none.
9:23
And I, but I have it in me to like, try something and just do it and it will come off as really great in lots of ways and it’s not the best out there.
But it’s something I’ve had to be thoughtful about because not everyone has that or films that and then they can be totally 100%.
9:42
What’s that word?
Just like there’s they shy away from me.
They are Maybe they feel intimidated or they do is the word, they feel intimidated and I don’t ever want to be that way, but just by the nature of maybe what I do and how I do it and my own excellence and joy and and talent, I do that.
10:04
And I don’t ever want to be that way.
So I guess what I want to say is I feel like there’s such power and vulnerability and in showing our raw self, like it’s come down to this.
Like when we know people’s stories, we love each other better.
So when I found out your story Allison, even all the stories you’ve ever shared with me about your personal life about growing up, about ADHD about your Foster experience about raising these girls and the things you’re navigating.
10:33
I am so drawn to you in a way that feels vulnerable and loving and caring.
And when we when we know each other stories, we love each other better.
And we start to see the Divine identity.
And so the more we share that Also not sometimes it’s scary to share that way, but when we can extend in a way that feels reachable, it opens a doorway of divine identity.
10:59
People start to see you who you really are that you’re in.
Perfect.
Yeah.
All imperfect and that we’re all striving and trying to grab ahold of who we really are.
You know, and I remember that post you’re talking about and it was a few years ago and I was it what it what it was was an image Of myself throwing up an image of myself and how I was pretty much paralyzed putting up this image of myself.
11:23
And yet that I felt like I’ve just never felt that I had, you know, this sense of like Beauty in myself and and that was totally a physical thing.
But it really comes down to like, what’s in our heart?
It is.
Yeah.
It’s just, you know, and I do feel like that was a like, a highly liked post because why it was raw, it was genuine, it was authentic, it was imperfect.
11:47
Thick and it should keep people connected to it.
They felt these like me and actually, you know, we live in a world right now.
Like we’re talking about self-worth, but there is a lot of divisiveness in our society in the world, as a whole.
And I feel like one of the things that I’ve learned, especially the past couple of years and through my foster care Journey, because I’ve met people that I probably never would have met.
12:09
And another way that we’re all more alike than we realized there’s details in the stories that are different, Current and there’s situations that happen and but we’re all striving for the same thing in the long run.
And I think you’re right, like being vulnerable and opening ourselves up.
12:30
It allows others also to see pieces of who you are and where you hope nobody online, none of those people that we admire, or we see has a perfect story and I one time so I have judged myself, very harshly as a parent being raised.
12:47
I wanted I wanted the white picket fence and I wanted the because I moved in the military, my whole growing up years, I wanted to have the house and the home at this family.
Like the picture-perfect family that you hear about and my life has been anything, but that.
Yeah, and I don’t regret any of it because I’m so blessed.
13:05
But what I’ve learned is that when I am open about, so like, I took my mothering story, people have told me, oh, your foster parent, you must be like, an angel or saint.
Eat or, you know, you must be so patient.
And so I was like, now I yell at my kids like they would say, I’m the meanest mom in the whole wide world.
13:25
Yeah.
And one day, I decided to open up a one of my post about parenting and how I yelled at my kids and I had done these things and I’ve been kind of open about some other experiences with people.
And I’ve had so many people write me and say, I love how imperfectly perfect to Earth mom.
13:42
Yeah, and I think that’s it, is like people as mom’s we put all this pressure on her, Us as parents, I think parents, in general, because I know Dad’s to do this, too.
And we belittle ourselves when we mess up.
The fact is these kids don’t come with a manual, but we have certain gifts that God has given us.
13:58
And he’s entrusted us with these beautiful spirit and we just do our best every day.
And we say, sorry when we messed up and we be there for the other moms that are struggling and going through those same things, I have.
And I think the vulnerability is a really big part of it.
And the other thing, I love that you used the word authentic.
14:14
Because I think when we are ourselves, Elves, like the truce up because your it’s honest, it’s the ability to just be who you are.
And you know what?
I found out recently.
I’m funny and I’m like, because I’m comfortable and I’m just relaxing with you.
14:31
But I’m actually way more funny that my sleep.
Was it.
So I think, and so I’m finding by being myself.
I’m finding other gifts that I have that.
I didn’t know about, I love that, but I think that’s beautiful.
And you know, I one thing I want to lean into a little bit, is that I might people might look at And say I’ve got that white picket fence dream and and they can look at that.
14:52
But you know what, I still struggle and have challenges and we can still have that like idyllic thing and our light.
Our story looks so different and and I think it’s really a practice in loving each other better, and just edging each other and giving each other Grace, and the benefit of the doubt as we’re working to raise kids, because we’re still discovering who we are.
15:16
Like, I’m still discovering I’m still trying to figure out what motivates me.
What?
What helps me be a good mom or what?
Helps me desire to be a good wife or even do self my own self reflection my own self.
15:32
Like I don’t know things that help build myself myself like my physicality or those types of things.
Like I just feel like we’re constantly trying to discover that and I think that’s the quest of a lifetime I just cited.
We are just on the quest of a lifetime discover who we are.
15:50
But the sooner we know that we are all brothers and sisters of a God who loves us, deeply and who gave us these unique innate, Gifts, of creating, and, loving, and caring, and all these things, than in the end, that’s almost all we need.
16:10
As we’re still discovering ourselves because it’s, it’s like the, the one being that tethers.
Us to him.
Yes you know I really love the visual in a way of like that of a table and everybody coming in to the table and does that something.
16:27
Like I’ve been thinking a lot about lately and I and I think I like the idea what you said break and to process.
If like we always talked about how we’re working toward Perfection, and the thing is perfection is something that none of us are ever going to fully achieve Hereafter.
But the Allison that I was 20 years ago, is a different Allison that I am today.
16:47
And I hope in 20, 30 years, whatever down the road when my life is coming to an end that that Alison is a different person to my mantra, for my personal life, is, I want to be better today than I was yesterday, so they run from whatever.
I went through.
And that’s what I’m hoping to pass on to.
17:03
My children is like, you work hard.
You just try to always be better than you were before and the mess up to say, sorry.
I think that’s really the key.
I really one of the things that I think that we do in the world that I heard me say recently, As we look at our worth as a result of achievement.
17:20
So like this, when you’re young, get out of board at school, you can award in sport, but that’s not what it is.
Like, our worth is ingrained in us.
We come with worth become with value.
We come we are the ones who dispute that we like fight it and I remember there was a day.
17:39
I was used to take the bus to work every day and go home, and I was sitting on the bus and we parked the let people There was a gentleman, not someone that most of us would probably want to talk to just was very uncap, very is a little scary to be honest in his works and I remember sitting there and just having this thought, I don’t know where it came from.
18:02
Probably from up above that said, I bet he’s beautiful to somebody.
Hmm, that while he scared me that like made you like intimidated or whatever the word would be.
I was just like I bet you there’s someone like his mother thought he was beautiful.
Or maybe he’s married.
18:18
And one of the things that I’ve learned is that we all have Beauty, and we all have like, you said, worth.
And that is something I think is also the key that can help us in, loving others and ourselves.
We might view ourselves as broken.
18:34
We might view ourselves as ugly as our body type is not the way that we would want it to be, but that somebody else might be looking at this and thinking, the opposite, like I was looking at you like, But you’re beautiful and outgoing and you know, you were didn’t body officers and you did all these things and I was the Band Geek in and while the whole time you were feeling the same way that I was feeling.
18:58
And so sometimes I think that it goes the other way to do that when you meet people that we take the time to stop and think what if they’ve been through on their lives, like walking their moccasins, is it, the saying goes.
Yeah.
And so, I think it’s important, first off that, we remember that.
19:17
When we meet somebody that we should remember that they’ve had their experiences that they may approach life in a different way, because they’ve been through something different.
So that the wall talking about going love ourselves, we can show love to others, but then also expecting that in return and somebody doesn’t treat you well.
19:36
So, I’m going to use is because different for their shortcomings, but my kids are like we were on a trip recently, and what I was changing into my swimsuit and one of my daughter’s went out of her way to How large I was and it’s something that I was already struggling with and it was very sensitive and it really hurt.
19:53
And I remember just like I wanted to react in a negative way and I didn’t yell or anything but it hurt and so I was like, we’re not going to go to the beach.
We’re going to stay here and Mom’s going to take some time for herself.
And I remember later like, getting down with them because I could tell that they were upset at me, like, you’re so mean you all.
20:11
Let me go.
I wanted to give them love and grace back because they’re human, they’re figuring it out.
But I’m Was also I went to them.
I said you know what this is something Mommy struggles with and I Mommy feels bad about you are the people.
I love the most in the world and what you said hurt me and and they were like, well we didn’t want to hurt you and I was like I know that but I demanded of them.
20:30
I’m important.
I’m a beautiful daughter of God, I need you to treat me as such and so I put boundaries in place and I think that’s part of it too.
Is we have the tendency to allow others that also hurt us in and be critical of us.
20:45
And I saw I think sometimes we need Demand, the respect, the love the value and we are, oh, that is so beautiful.
And I don’t think that’s talked about very much and I think that boundary part and I can relate on so many levels and what a beautiful teaching moment with your girls.
21:05
I just think that will go distance distance, far beyond you can imagine that they’ll remember that you sat down with them and had that exchange with them, you know?
And I keep Keep thinking about, you know, what you had said about the man who you were, like, oh, I bet he’s beautiful to someone.
21:24
I know that thought pain from heaven above and, and we call it the spirit and the spirit can turn things around in our heart and in our mind to teach us and remind us, and I think there’s so much more to the spirit than we allow ourselves because the spirit can teach us all things.
21:46
The teacher.
Spirit can remind us of all things.
And there’s something about as we seek to have live a holy life and live close to God.
We can know that we have access to that Spirit.
22:01
Actually, everybody has the spirit of Christ on this Earth.
So, whether or not you’re a baptized member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
We all have access to this Holy Spirit which can teach us all things, right?
Yeah.
And I Just love.
22:17
There’s a really neat quote from Sherry do about Divine identity and I just found it.
I love it, the spirit, testifies, who you really are.
So listen to this, there is nothing more vital to our success and our happiness, here, then learning to hear the voice of the spirit.
22:36
It is the spirit who reveals to us our identity, which isn’t just who we are, but who we have always been.
And then when we know our lives, take on a sense of Best so stunning that we can never be the same.
Again, our Spirits, long for us to remember the truth about who we are.
22:54
Because the way we see ourselves, our sense of identity affects everything, we do it affects the very way we live our lives.
So today, I invite you to ponder in a new way, not just who you are but who you have always been.
So Sherry do has such that a beautiful concept because when we know who we are, we we have that Spirit also that reminds us who others are and back to that boundary thing.
23:23
I think it’s so critical because when we know who we are and remember who we are, then we don’t let people trampled all over us.
We don’t let one thing they say determine who we really are and it’s a hard world out there.
23:39
There’s a rough world and lots of messages being sent our way.
But if we can come back to that through, And trust that the spirit will teach us all things and remind us who we are, then we are totally going to win every battle in the end of who you know when we’re struggling and trying to figure out you know who we are and how we feel about ourselves in the end.
24:04
We can win every battle with that knowledge.
I love that because that’s really what we’re doing but there’s a battle that we’re fighting every day you get out of bed it’s like the there’s that funny look for this.
As I want to be where I get out of bed and Satan says not her.
Oh no, she’s up.
And and that’s kind of the idea that like I ever read that it is like a little chuckle, but I think it’s so true because we live in a world right now where things have like modified in our society and its modified who we are.
24:32
We have various dependencies, we have like people’s brains are literally different than they once were and self-doubt and depression and anxiety are such a huge part of every individuals lives there.
So few people that are not impacted in some From themselves, somebody in their lives and dating uses these fools to come after us.
24:52
But if we allow ourselves to but the boundaries in place and say, well, that’s their opinion that I’m not going to let that come after me and keep that because it’s like this voice that sometimes like goes on repeating her head.
Yeah.
And so when we say no I’m not going to let that play.
25:07
I’m just like we say I’m not going to watch this kind of show where I’m not going to put myself in this situation.
We can say I’m not going to let that go through my armor and I do Think that’s so true.
And the other thing to go with that, that I have heard recently.
25:23
So I work at a college and there’s people of all ages, and I’ll be like going to the bathroom.
I’ll see somebody.
And I’ve learned if I see like, I think something looks beautiful that are their smiles and I tell them and I have had people literally almost fall over and be like, oh, thank you and and I’ve had others come back like the like go and throw the restroom and they come back out and they’re like that really helped me today or and Sometimes I think when we see people that we think oh they look really pretty or oh that’s such a beautiful smile, whatever it is like, oh, your skirt is gorgeous like that we let them know that we’re noticing them that they that we recognize them because I think it’s easy.
26:05
I’ve heard so many people like I feel so alone or I feel so insignificant or whatever it is.
And I think a lot of it is we’re so busy in our lives like we get so wrapped it up and raising our families working, our jobs, taking care of our homes.
26:21
That it’s not that we don’t love people if you don’t care but we just get wrapped up in busy.
And so I tried really hard especially when I’m not with my children because they’re very strappy but that I go walking out into the world.
I tried to look at what’s around me because one I think it does help them but also it allows me to learn it allows the spirit to draw that from those things and And I become a better person from it.
26:48
And so, I think that’s so important.
Now, one thing that I’ve noticed on your social media is that you went to Walmart and you met Kai.
Now, I have to ask, how did you start fucking to end?
This is off topic a little bit but I think it kind of applies.
27:06
So kind of looks like you.
Maybe he has a form of a disability of some form but he seems so kind and like such a good heart.
How did that experience?
Come about.
Yeah, so let me let me first tell you something, Before all your listeners, don’t understand this about you Allison, is that that person in the bathroom that is communicating kindness has always been there, that’s the Allison, I’ve always known and we connected because of kindness, light light, attracts light and I just feel like that’s who you are and it’s always been who you are.
27:43
And I remember you being such an easy friend, because of the love and because of the extending and the kindness and that Really is who you are and it’s, you are so good at practicing this love and that that sees people that it just means so much and so much that.
28:00
How many years later 20?
Something years later?
Yeah, that we can connect and still feel that love and that light and that extending to one another.
And it’s a beautiful thing with Ty, I’ll be honest, my very first interaction with him was at this yogurt shop and he kind of made me nervous and I was with all my kids and I just was like oh this is a little interesting, we’ll see how this goes.
28:25
And anyway, I decided in that moment.
This is my chance to teach my kids.
This is my chance to teach what it looks like to interact with someone with special needs.
That might be a little scary and we made friends with tie in that moment collectively and I’ve probably seen him a dozen times since then and I just to this day, I feel comfortable talking to him, because we broke that barrier, we just and I, and I’ll be honest, I have to have a little pop, a couple of boundaries with tie.
29:02
But like, there it is.
Again, like, there’s something about that boundary of like, I’m able to extend myself in this way and I want to be full of all the time, and I know he feels that, but I’m just saying more like a boundary with him, just because he can kind of crossed the line.
29:18
So I have you always want to look at my wall.
Wallet.
He always wants to hold it.
Hug me really close and sometimes he squeezes me too hard and and all of that.
But he also knows that I love him and care for him and genuinely want to know how he is.
And he knows every time I’m going to want to take a selfie with him, and we’re going to want to have this conversation and I’ve given him rights home and he’s just a great kid and everyone loves Thai.
29:44
And I think what what has happened from it is because I’ve just posted about it, I don’t post I Posted once about him, but I have shared whenever I spy tie on my Instagram stories and what’s happened is when I do that, people that are in my area, say I finally, had the courage to go up to tie because you did that or I’ve known tie since he was, you know, this old and we we got past that and now he’s our special friend to, you know, and it’s not just me that’s doing that.
30:17
But I think I’m working to model what?
It looks like to love and and I feel like in turn that helps me have confidence in, who I am?
You know, I am someone who can love Thai and do that, love, you know?
30:33
And that gives me worth and helps remind me.
I, we are just Spirit children, and with is different bodies, and one date, I will be perfected and I hope he gives me one of the biggest squeezes ever in heaven.
30:49
When we, when we Go beyond, you know, and that’s how I brought that up, because it kind of came out of mind after we were talking about like is he somebody that might not be what you consider the norm, whatever like that.
But every time, like, every picture I’ve seen, as he was damn, he always has this beautiful smile and you could tell he has light do.
31:08
Yeah.
I think it kind of goes to that concept is do this worth discussion that we’re having is we don’t all fit in a box.
Yeah.
And I’m so grateful that we took that in a box, that’s how the world is.
Is so beautiful because of all those differences and I think that Chi is a clear, example of what we can teach our children that there is room at the table for each person.
31:30
Yeah, even know.
We are not meant to get along with every person on this Earth like but we can be kind, we can be loving, but it doesn’t mean that we have to be best friends or yeah acquaintances.
And I think that’s important to remember because I remember when I didn’t get along with somebody because like you said, I do I love people.
31:51
Yeah, I feel bad about myself.
I’m like, what is wrong with me?
Like, why can’t I, and I think it’s important.
There’s millions of people that have ever lived on this Earth and there’s a reason there’s been Wars.
There’s a reason there’s been all these different things but I think the lesson in that is to learn from it.
32:07
And so we can we can be kind of people but we don’t have to let them into our lives in a way that they’re that they can reopen the wound.
Yeah.
And that’s that, boundary thing that you were talking about.
I mean, we really, when we Also understand who we are.
We also know what we can and can’t navigate, you know?
32:25
And I think part of that is like, it’s just learning, it’s learning.
I mean, like you said, we just kind of have to figure it out as we go.
And like, when we know better, we do better type thing.
And sometimes you have to be crushed, you have to be crushed by people.
I know that sounds horrible, that we really do have to have an experience of being hurt for us to realize we don’t want to treat people that way.
32:47
We don’t want to be that way and we don’t want to put ourselves in a position. like that to be heard and and I think when we’re clear on who we are and like the spirit can guide us to know, you know, it might have just been that one chance and and that’s what it was and then the spirit will tell us and then but oftentimes I’m reminded that sometimes we have to learn lessons twice and three times because we and that’s part of the practicing a bigger, you get out and navigating all that we need to, you know, but I do think there is such power and understanding that and And like you said, giving yourself the grace to learn and to be reminded of things and just to make mistakes, we’re going to make mistakes.
33:31
And there’s going to be a process of discovering who we are and and what we can and can’t allow into our lives.
You know, when it comes to, that know that actually makes me think there was a talk and in the tradition of Christ Latter-Day Saints.
We have a general conference twice a year where we hear from our leaders that gives us insights and stuff to be.
33:50
And one of the sisters spoke and I’d never heard her speak before and her talk was about like letting the Savior more in our lives.
But what resonated with me that I think goes with what we’re discussing is, she talked about how she has worn glasses for a long time.
And she had these cute little leopard printed ones on so they course stood out and my daughter loves leopard.
34:10
So I was like, but she started talking about how for her her glasses are a pool.
That helps her get through her day like until she Put those on, she can be confused or whatever, but it gives her Clarity.
34:26
That’s what helps clarify things.
It gives her focus and it, and that it helps her.
And I think that we have that tool in the spirit as you’ve been talking about, it’s a tool that can give us Clarity.
It’s a tool that gives us focus.
It gives us discernment and and we are so blessed that through the scriptures and through prayer.
34:45
And through the spirit we can know like what is it that we’re going through an experience being.
That maybe this is a lesson we need right now.
There’s a quote I think it was by Joseph Smith junior where he’s like a rough Stone and he rolls down the hill and the Heart, the like Smooth it off as the pieces break off, and isn’t that kind of what it is?
35:06
Is the one constant we have in our lives change?
Hmm.
And the one thing that we can always expect is that things are going to happen.
And so one of the things that I’ve learned, so I have really come to relate with butterflies laws Two years, it started with the ADHD, but I have seen sort of, they are a creature that transforms through a physically demanding process.
35:28
And so, when we go through the trials, whatever they are, you could be infertility.
It could be job loss.
It could be a death of a spouse or a child.
It took mean, I’ve had friends, but so many different things, I think it’s really important to remember that we’re going to go through challenges.
35:45
It’s what we do with the challenge and our ability to learn from them, and Because if we didn’t go through hard, we wouldn’t it be?
She ate the sunny days.
Yeah.
And I think that’s the key.
Well, and that butterfly.
It thing analogy is really awesome if you think about it.
36:02
I mean, I’m so glad that God created butterflies, because you look at a caterpillar and you’re like, what a sludgy little thing because he has pledged, he’s thinking for yeah, you know, grubby thing and and then to look at a butterfly and the beauty and the joy and the transformation and the process of all of that is Is fascinating and and I love that thought of that, we are in a process of discovering.
36:27
We are in the process of and you said like it goes through a pretty rigorous physical thing, which might mean for us, not just our bodies, but our heart and our mind is going to go through a lot of hard painful things.
But the hope is that we become butterflies, right?
36:46
And that we get to have this freedom to fly and be beautiful and All of that said this and I just I love that, you know, connection because we’re really in the process of becoming and and there’s power in discovering that and knowing that and and it actually makes me want to dig dig in a little deeper and be okay with the process because I trust that the Lord will make me perfect.
37:12
In the end, I wanted the things.
I kind of want to make sure we address a little bit because I think it’s such an important topic that more people are talking about.
But I think we’re Not good at its self care, and being intentional in showing love to ourselves like you and I are gathers, we’re really good at making sure if our children need something we’re caretakers.
37:32
We want to make sure that they have what they need.
That they feel valued loved cared for during those good and bad times.
And but I know for myself that I tend to let myself get depleted or worn out just because I’m taking care of everyone else.
How do you think that we could maybe be more intentional or away?
37:50
There’s that we sold love to ourselves.
Mmm, I think it’s so important.
And I like to think about the story of Mary and Martha and how one is in that Gathering moment.
She is trying to make everything just right for the Savior.
38:07
And and then the other is just at his feet, right?
And I think the one that is at his feet is just it’s so powerful because she knows that the best thing she could possibly do is stop everything and glean from him at that moment.
38:24
And the other one is just in you know the hope of creating being about about her house trying to create a place of gathering which is so important.
But I love the thought of creating the space for us to be able to sit at the savior’s feet and really truly intentionally choose to stop rest.
38:49
Listen, whatever.
So I like that story from the scriptures but when it comes to everyday life, you know, I think about the power of the rest and the Stillness and I think we have to be comfortable being in those quiet spaces of just being ourselves.
39:08
It’s taken me a little bit of time to feel comfortable with that.
That it’s just me and me only and, and realizing what I need.
And then being able to express that, in some Way at least to my heart or my mind to know, to do something.
So you know what?
39:24
You actually need something healthy to eat.
You’ve been having a lot of sugar and treats and snacks.
You might, you actually probably need a good salad or you need a nap like you need a nap, you know, and what would do wonders for you is just a good half hour, nap or hour nap, you know, or you know what you need today is some retail therapy or what you need today is like to actually take some time to cook for your family.
39:50
Family, or that type of thing and those are self for me.
Those are self kind of healing moments for you.
When I intentionally choose what I need and I am filled oftentimes by the loving and the serving but when there’s Gathering moments like what you were talking about because we’re natural gatherers, sometimes it’s because we just want everyone else to feel a certain way.
40:12
So when we think about what we intentionally want to feel and that can still be serving and loving others, But what we want to feel from that that what can actually fill us in our feelings, you know what bills us and what can we do to happen to that?
40:29
You know, and I think a lot of its just being completely honest with what we need and being comfortable, being alone with ourself in the Stillness.
And sometimes those are meditative moments.
Sometimes those are prayerful moments.
That sometimes are just thoughts that come in to us and be like, you know what you need, you need a little bit of time on your own, or you need a little bit of It’ll break need a little sunshine, need a little walk, whatever it is.
40:52
I think that’s part of the self-care that helps us discover our divine identity because we’re listening that inner feeling, whatever, whatever is in our heart and whatever.
Is in our mind, what is it telling us?
What is it?
We need and I think when we listen we do that so I love that story of Mary and Martha as you think about those two, those are both amazing women.
41:14
But what does it look like to stop and consider what it looks?
Like to look, you know, sit at the savior’s feet and taken whatever as yes, Philip your own bucket.
That’s right.
That’s one thing I’ve seen in some of my friends and myself is that I couldn’t I am I enjoy serving others and doing but I’ve learned the power in the last two years of the word know like to listen to myself and be like you know, I just I can’t right now or the ability to say I need to be intentional to make sure I’m feeling.
41:48
My needs because I think it is a way of showing love and value but you value you because.
So I’m going to give you a presence of a.
One of my things is I get up in the morning and I work for an hour, then I get my kids up and then I have to get them and myself ready in a short period of time.
42:04
So usually my hair will go back in a ponytail, throwing the clothes.
I make sure they’re like cute as can be and sometimes not even that but get everybody else ready?
And then I go to work and I’m like I look myself in the mirror when I go to the bathroom and yeah.
So sometimes taking the extra ten minutes to put on a little makeup and brush the space really good do the hair so that you just can feel confident in yourself or you have a night where you’ve had a long day and you just need, you know, kids, I love you.
42:32
But mommy’s gonna go take a 10-minute shower and just decompress and listen to music, read a book, take those moments.
Mmm, and I think there’s value in the intentionality, one of the gifts.
I mentioned earlier that I worked really hard.
42:48
In my relationship with the Savior and how he views me and that started because I felt like I wasn’t in the scriptures like I had been promised in my Pedro blessing.
And so I was like okay I plan out everything.
I have this big ol planner.
I plan out my kids like the got band, practice therapy doctor and I just always worked around them and I thought, you know what, this is something that I know I need.
43:10
And so at first it was 10 minutes, just 10 minutes.
And the more I did it, the more I wanted and it was amazing how the time was found.
Because it wasn’t there, it was found in humans and I think the more that I’ve allowed myself to do what I need and to vocalize what I need, the more my kids have allowed it, the more I’m able to give an other areas of my life and and I just feel better as a whole because when you’re tired or worn out, you don’t have what you need to give to someone out than in.
43:42
You’re not successful in those ways either.
Well, and that there’s something and I didn’t come up with this but you probably heard it when we say no to something, we’re really saying, yes, to something else and there’s just such power in that hot if you think through it, you know, when you say no to, I don’t know that person asking you to do the thing that you wish you could do.
44:08
I mean our hearts want to help.
Like, I always say, I always say.
I wish my heart.
My heart could do.
I wish I could do Nothing, my heart wants to.
Yes.
You know, we course we want to love and serve and do all.
We can all the time but we actually have to say no at some point and when we say no, we’re actually saying yes to something else and that, yes, I think needs to be us and our families.
44:35
It just comes down to that.
It needs to be what’s happening within our home base.
And that doesn’t mean closed off to serving and extending.
But family first and ourselves first.
So that we can get we have been entrusted just as you’ve been entrusted with these girls to love them and to help them grow and learn all the things.
44:58
So have I been interested in it just there’s a seasons of Our Lives where we need to consider what our yeses and our nose, our for sure.
And I imagine as you get older and as kids move on, we will have practiced saying No still enough to know what we can and can’t do or what we and we lose energy to we get older we lose energy and we don’t have the complexity tissue.
45:24
I’m seeing it.
I’m feeling it you know.
And so I think that’s such a real conversation in such an important thing to think about but what is your yes is your yes, your family and yourself and and I think when you do that, you put yourself in a position to I have a reserve and that Reserve I think is what you have can give to others, you know?
45:51
And I feel like once you take care of yourself and you take care of your family, you start to look outward because you’re feeling confident with yourself, you’d that self-worth feel so good because you chose your family and yourself first.
Then all of a sudden you have the capacity to look outward because you’re so confident with what’s happening with the choices you’ve made within yourself and within your family, right?
46:14
And and like, You started.
It’s like a reserve.
It’s you now have the fuel to give everything that you want to.
That your heart is able to.
You’re not just giving them your scraps.
You’re giving them your true false self.
And I think there’s a power in that and the visual that kind of my mind was the Virgin the fight, the ten virgins and how the five had their oil because they saved it for what they needed.
46:41
They took care of it and they were punished it and so taking care of our Of loving ourselves being intentional with ourselves and our families allows us to one love ourselves become the person that we want to be in.
Lord wants us to be and to be prepared, for whatever may come our way.
47:02
And our, our callings are friendships, are relationships.
It allows us to truly be our best and love that.
That’s such a thought with the, with the virgin’s, the five virgins Five, that were wise and five that were foolish.
47:17
Because if you think about that, that filling part, I mean those like you said, those five, they had to be vigilant.
They had to be thoughtful about keeping their lamps built.
I mean, that doesn’t mean they weren’t still using their lamps.
I’m sure they use their lamps every day, but every day they chose to fill so that they would be prepared and ready.
47:37
And if you think about those that weren’t filled, I mean, they probably just Let It Go.
Like, a lot of us do, like, we all do, we’re in the hole.
Yeah, we all Let It Go and then we all of a sudden, realize, oh, shoot, I’m empty.
But we don’t know when that when the reserve will be needed.
47:55
So, it’s a beautiful thought to think about filling daily, you know, as we as we head through life, I mean gosh.
That’s a beautiful.
I love that beautiful connection there.
Yeah, that just kind of kept going to my mind.
And I was like, that’s that has gives me such a different perspective.
48:12
To like, I’ve always used the idea of Like, filling up your bucket.
Yeah.
And but we don’t know when it’s like when your car like we do the maintenance, we fill it up with gas.
We could be that person.
That feels it just like every half like you get halfway.
48:28
So you always have a reserve, yep.
Or we can wait or that empty and then get stressed out because there might be a gas station nearby.
And and that’s it as we don’t know when a national pandemic will happen or when something will happen in our home that we’re not prepared for exactly might be needed to be.
48:45
At for somebody else.
Oh, I love that so much.
And so that no, I love that.
I am so grateful for our discussion that we’ve had, I feel like, like you mentioned earlier, women need women and I think that we would benefit from relationship, I’m a big advocate of relationships as a whole.
49:04
I think that we were meant to be with people, but I think that there’s something in women where we draw from each other, we draw strength be broad knowledge.
We were drugged Grace and we uplift and we help replenish each other.
And I think that that’s like I feel so enthused after today’s discussion and I hope that everyone listening may be reminded one of the value of you that you are a beautiful, amazing child of God that your father in Heaven loves you.
49:36
That you have a purpose.
That is so much bigger than what you probably even know right now, you bring something to this world in your uniqueness.
I know Kitty.
I’ve seen it in you.
I and I’m seeing it myself like you and I each are discovering who we are your time and the more that we do, the more others like draw from that because we’re becoming and so don’t expect it.
49:58
I hope everybody gives themselves Grace not expecting themselves to be perfect today.
Yeah, that it is a journey and that be intentional that you matter enough, that you can feel those reserves and be the person, the wife, the mother of the co-worker, the sister, the daughter, Are the son, the father of that, you want to be and I think that’s the key and the other thing I want to say that I’ve learned in self-love is going to my Father in Heaven.
50:25
If there’s something that I want in my life or that I want to develop.
I remember on my mission a woman told me that she wanted a gift and that she’s learned that our God is a God who is bound that he’s willing to be bound and that if we go to him with an intentional heart and ask kindly And have a righteous desire.
50:47
Might not always agree but that if our we’re willing to ask and he will help us develop and become not only what he wants, but also what we want.
And they think that that’s important is that your perspectives and how you view yourself is important.
51:03
And if you’re struggling in that area, we can pray.
And let’s ask him in the spirit will guide us in that process.
I love that.
I think one last thought that I had to add is you know, if you have Haven’t had a chance to ask Heavenly Father, how he feels about you.
51:19
I just recommend doing that if you just really are unsure and don’t know where you sit, or where you stand or what your purpose is and your plan, I think or how he feels about you.
I think it’s pretty awesome to have an experience and trust that he will help.
51:38
You feel may not fill in that exact moment but he will show you, he will show you and trusting that he will show.
Through others for yourself.
You will send others to teach you and remind you and he’ll send feelings and thoughts and Impressions, that remind you who you are a true.
51:59
I love you Katie.
Thank you so much for being here and I’m so grateful for our talk.
So everyone have a great week this week and we hope that these words will open up each of your hearts and Minds to seeing this.
What a beautiful gift that each of you are in this world and how I needed you are in not only your home, but in the world, as a whole, and in our father, in Heaven’s time have a great week.
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