As we are preparing for the new school year to start, Allison shares some of the things you can do to get ready, besides just buying some new clothes. These suggestions will help you connect to others in a more meaningful and kind way.
Pull up a chair … it is time to let your heart grow!
In this episode, I talk a lot about my ADHD. To learn more about Neurodiversity and ADHD you can visit my non-profit My Children’s Hope on our website or on instagram.
Some of the ways I cope with my ADHD is by keeping track of my life with a Happy Planner.
Note: Transcripts are automatically generated and therefore might occasionally have errors.
Hello friends.
Welcome back.
We are heading into one of my favorite times of the year, back to school season.
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I love going to the store and discovering that the office and school supplies are fully stocked and on sale.
I will admit to having a bit of an obsession with pens Post-its stickers, and all the other fun stuff.
So, I get a bit giddy, I love to stock up on the notebooks and the crayons and fun decorated binders, and add them to my stash and I am a happy planner girl.
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So, I enjoyed getting to find a new planner that’s going to help me get my life, more organized.
I love going back to school shopping for cute new clothes to put on my kids and then taking new pictures to see how much they’ve grown since last year.
I get excited when we find out which teacher my child will learn from that year.
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I love back to school time.
But to be honest, there are also other parts of this time of year that caused my heart to worry.
May be worried about these things, too, especially as a parent I bet your child has a classmate.
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Who is that kid?
You know, the kid I’m talking about.
I bet that you might have even had that child’s image or name appear in your mind.
When I said that kid.
The kid that other kids avoid.
The one who seems as if they’re related to the Energizer Bunny, the one who’s loud, bossy and demanding.
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They might even hit and call the other kids names.
That child who doesn’t get invited to playdates and birthday parties.
And as a parent there that child that you hope are not your child’s class this year.
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I know that, you know, that child.
I do too, I actually know two of them.
They call me Mom.
I will admit, I am not unaware.
I’ve seen the same things that you see.
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I’ve seen my child climbing over the peers during church.
Heck I’ve even been my oldest Chase.
My youngest around the chapel.
While I stood at the pulpit, I chased my daughter through the local store, causing my anxiety to go through the roof as I yell for her.
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Stop.
And when my daughter was in kindergarten, it was called by the principal of her school for something.
She had done, I’ve seen other children, noticed my daughter and walk away.
I’ve gotten looks from other parents.
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I dread parent-teacher conferences because I always know that I’m going to learn something that I might not enjoy.
I struggled to find babysitters.
Once I called a friend because I had to spend the night in the hospital with a foster baby and as a single parent, I didn’t have anyone to take care of my four-year-old daughter and she couldn’t come stay with me.
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The friend said she called me back after checking.
And then she let me know.
It was just mere moments later, that I received a text that simply read.
I can’t take her.
This is all true.
And yes, sometimes I wish for things to be different.
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Sometimes I wish that they didn’t have to deal with having ADHD SPD dmdd and all the other acronyms that are associated with with each of them.
I wish that things were different.
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I wish.
That we lived in a Kinder world.
I wish more people would look at my children as more than just that kid.
And instead, look a little deeper What you probably didn’t notice but is also true is that my daughter notices every animal that crosses her path.
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My daughter notices when her classmate is sad.
And she tries to make them laugh or smile.
My daughter tries to help when she knows I’m overwhelmed.
My daughter, honestly believes that everyone she meets is just a friend that she doesn’t know already.
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My daughter wants to hug everyone.
She sees.
My daughter is creative, and she loves to paint and draw.
She has an imagination.
That’s a mile wide.
My daughter prays to God for people that she barely knows.
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Sometimes parenting those kids is hard.
But I wouldn’t change them.
Yes, both of them are that kid.
More importantly, though.
They are my kid.
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And they are my world.
While I wouldn’t change them.
I wish I could change the way the world perceives them.
One of my goals would let your heart grow is to help people see the world around them differently.
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So as we are starting a new school year, I want to share some of the things I’ve learned or experienced.
Some of these things will apply.
In relation to your children. some of them can also be used to apply for each of us, whether we’re children teenagers or adults, let me start out and telling you a little bit about my childhood When I was growing up, school wasn’t an easy thing.
6:24
For me, I was smart.
I was actually in the gifted and talented program throughout Elementary School.
My grades were really good, but socially, I struggled It’s actually true.
That recently, I came across some old report cards and almost all of them had comments, like Allison needs to work on her talking during class.
6:48
I had friends making friends was easy for me but keeping friends, wasn’t quite as easy because I did things that would drive people crazy.
Whenever I found out that our firm was frustrated with me or annoyed by something I was doing, The people pleaser in me, wanted to fix it.
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I wanted so badly to change whatever it was I was doing.
And I would genuinely try to fix whatever had been pointed out to me.
And the older I became the harder I tried.
As an adult, some of these quirks started to impact my job.
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I’ve been told multiple times that I spoke too loudly.
For that, I’m distracting people because I talk to myself while I’m working.
I got called out for fidgeting and meetings.
The thing is that the harder I tried to fix, what I was doing the more pronounced, the behaviors and habits would become, and eventually came to believe that I was simply broken.
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Little did anyone know including myself that there was even more going on inside of me?
Last summer, due to some of these things that people had pointed out.
I became aware that there was a possibility.
There was more going on.
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I ended up getting diagnosed with attention deficit, hyperactivity disorder, wrote, many of you know, simply as ADHD Ensuring this story, not for sympathy or anything like that, but just show you that between receiving my own diagnosis and having my children, be diagnosed with ADHD and a few other disorders.
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I have been given an opportunity to have a different outlook on the way, the world sees things and people.
What I learned and what I’m still learning every day is that not everyone is the same and that the world isn’t simply one simple view, it’s not black and white.
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We all see and experience the world differently for those with ADHD and neuro diversity.
Our lives are impacted by the way, our brains function.
Our world is completely different than for those that are neurotypical that live around us.
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The what you might think is weird.
It’s just simply different and the fact is that we don’t have any control over it, no matter how hard we might try.
And sometimes the efforts that we put in to do the things that someone else is doing is exhausting.
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Now, not everyone, you meet is going to have ADHD or Autism or some other diagnosis. but the fact is the world is full of many differences and every person has one some of those differences come in the color of a person’s skin.
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The way they’re here is the clothes that they wear.
The shape of their bodies, the accent, we might carry in our voice.
Sometimes they come in the form of disabilities like stuttering, or dyslexia or physical features, like having curly hair.
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Birthmarks and crooked teeth.
There are so many things I could point out.
You might be asking what can I do?
You might wonder if anything, you could even try would simply matter at all.
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Yes, the world is a big place and there are millions of people living on it.
And no, we can’t go out and change every person by ourselves. but that shouldn’t stop you from wanting to The fact is each of us can change the world around us burning within the walls of our own homes.
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We can impact our own personal sphere of influence.
I want to help you see that every little bit can make a difference each effort, made to make a change for the better.
It all starts with being an advocate for a Kinder and more compassionate world.
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The, let’s start out by discussing a few simple things that you can do starting right now.
The first is open your heart and mind when someone or something is different than what you are used to.
Instead of finding ways to exclude people, find a way to include everyone or at least as many as possible. in every individual, you meet find a way to focus on the positives, they possess instead of pointing out the weaknesses or shortcomings If your child has a new friend and they are invited into your home or you were introduced to them consider ways, to make that specific individual comfortable in your presence.
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Do not always assume that because the child struggles or misbehaves that their parent must not be doing a very good job.
And be respectful in your choice of wording and language.
Now the fact is you’re here, you’re listening that tells me that you my friend are wanting to be more open hearted and minded.
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Way to go.
Whenever you’re considering something look for ways to include the most people, it is so easy to think of reasons to leave someone out.
It could be money, it could be space, it could be time.
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But instead find a way to make more room at the table so that everyone can feel included and loved one way.
You can do this in relation to Children is, let’s talk about a birthday party.
I’m a single mom, I don’t have a lot of funds, it work in a government job.
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So I always look for a way to keep party small.
Now I mentioned earlier that my daughter literally believes everyone should me is just a friend that she hasn’t gotten to know yet.
One year when putting together the invite list, my daughter started naming, but seemed like literally, every person she had ever met up to that point.
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I started to stress out of what a party that size would cost me or how I would even fit them in my home.
I thought about this, I could have told her to limit her attendants and actually, I started to, but then I decided to look for a way to revamp things.
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We change the plan from an indoor event to an outdoor one at a local park.
Luckily, for me, her birthday is in May.
And instead of more elaborate food, I decided to order five dollar pizzas and make lemonade, or by Capri Suns that opened up our options and she was able to invite a lot more people to celebrate her.
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This one is something I think most people don’t even realize that they’re doing and that is find ways to emphasize the positives of someone instead of the – or bring Focus to the things they’re lacking.
Instead of telling someone they are skinny use the word then her slender I’ve learned that so many people feel bad about themselves When someone tells them they’re skinny I’m not married.
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I’ve mentioned that.
I was single mom.
I’ve never been married.
Do you know how many times I’ve had?
Someone say to me how come you weren’t married, or if only you would do dot dot dot?
Then I bet you could find a man.
So many of my friends, get married and are immediately asked when you’re going to have a baby, well, this might seem like an innocent question.
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You do not know the situation of that couple.
How do you know that the couple isn’t trying to conceive but is struggling with infertility?
This can work for situations where the child to instead of pointing out that they are not doing something in the way you would expect or hope they would instead.
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Adjust you ever had your child bring you a picture?
They drew mine.
Do this all the time.
They are so excited and then you look at their picture and you have no idea what it is.
Instead of asking what is this?
Or making a guess that most likely is going to be incorrect.
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They something instead like wow, I love all the bright colors.
You use tell me more about the picture.
I’m amazed as they explain their picture of the imagination and creativity they use.
And often I can see the vision that they had inside.
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This next one is something.
I’ve been trying for the past few years and I found it very rewarding whenever my daughter has a new friend and she introduces me to them.
I introduce myself and I tell them the name, I am comfortable with them using.
I then ask questions of the other child.
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Ask him like how they met my daughter and find out what kinds of things they like.
This shows the child that I’m interested in them and then whenever I see that child again I address them by their name and say hello and ask how they’re doing and then I try to bring up something that they shared with me before.
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So that they know that I was listening.
My daughter also loves invite her friends over to our home for playdates.
So I now contact the parents of the other child and introduce myself and then I asked about what kinds of things would make their child more comfortable while they are in my home, find out what foods.
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They like they have any allergies.
Any other thing that I can do to help make their child feel welcome.
These type of interactions and small inquiries build relationships, not just between myself and my child’s friends.
But have also helped me vo connection with their parents.
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I want our home to always be a place where my children and their friends feel safe.
Now the next one is kind of important, do not always assume that because a child struggles or misbehaves that their parent must not be doing a very good job.
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This one has been a constant source of pain for many people that I know who have neurodivergent children Jimmy times.
I’ve gotten the look or I’ve heard people say, if you would only do dot dot dot.
The fact is, I probably tried whatever you’re going to suggest and it didn’t work for our particular situation.
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One of my children struggles with hitting and kicking, we have read the books.
We have tried using caputi as a reminder, we have done every single thing, somebody has suggested to me.
We are still dealing with the issue on a regular basis and it is not due to a lack of effort.
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Is important to remember that.
Every child is different.
Every situation is unique.
And honestly, I believe that almost every parent is really doing the very best that they can.
And from personal experience, I can guarantee that the other parent is probably already beating themselves up about not being enough, not doing enough.
18:51
Or believing.
That they’re not enough for their child.
There are many ways we can improve our language to be kinder and more inclusive.
Let’s start by asking a few questions and I want you to ponder on each of them and consider whether or not you are doing this.
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Even if you didn’t realize.
Have you ever been with your friends when you were someone else?
Cracks a joke?
Maybe it’s a blonde joke or a joke about someone with a disability.
Or a joke that is stereotypical about a specific group of individuals.
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Have you ever had a commoner statement ever hit a cord inside of you?
I was watching one of my very favorite shows.
And they cracked a joke about my religion.
Now Not only was the joke insensitive, but it was inaccurate without realizing it you Could be making someone feel vulnerable and your words could be taken differently than you might be intending.
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Take the time to learn the proper terms for different things.
When I did my first year in college, I took a communication class where we talked a lot about politically, correct terms.
And that class has stuck with me for over 20 years.
One example, when talking about people from the continent of Asia, many people use the term Oriental.
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Well, it’s actually considered rude.
The term is Asian.
The term Oriental is used for things, not people and this is just one example.
There are many more take the time to be educated so that you do not offend.
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And if you don’t know, ask or find out, Another basic rule to keep is if it has the potential to offend or hurt.
Simply just don’t say it.
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You ready times?
I’ve heard jokes about eighty HD.
I’m growing a pretty thick skin these days.
But sometimes it really can hit a cord especially if it’s something I’m struggling with all that time.
Consider the language you use not just around others but around your family members.
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One day while driving in traffic I yelled out.
Idiot driver.
And the next thing I knew my then two-year-old was saying, idiot driver repeatedly.
Children mirror.
Our words.
Using language that is kind and respectful.
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Teachers are children to use the same kind of language.
We actually have a rule in our house that you do not call a living creature bad.
It’s amazing how negative statements can get embedded in, someone’s heart, and mind, and impact their self-esteem instead of bad.
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We say things like you are being naughty today or that was not the best choice.
The reason that real started was because of their behaviors related to being your Divergent.
I started to see that my children believed that they were bad.
This is the reason I started my nonprofit to raise acceptance for individuals who are neurodivergent.
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One night, I passed the door to my daughter’s bedroom and overheard her saying her prayers.
Heavenly Father.
Please help me.
Not to be a bad kid anymore.
Immediately my heart sank because I realized how she saw herself, I knocked on her door and let her know that I had her prayer.
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I sat with her and allowed her to open up about how she was feeling my daughter.
Shared with me, her desire for others to see her and accept her just the way she was.
Because of this, I named my organization.
My children’s hope because I wanted to help Grant my child’s.
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Wish for a world where people accept them without reservation by edgy.
Educating others about ADHD and neuro diversity.
If you would like to learn more about my children’s hope, ADHD or neuro diversity, you can go to my website at my children’s hope.com.
23:18
As this episode is coming to a close.
I know there are many more things I could share with you, but we would be here, much longer than plans.
So I’ll just in here with a plea to each of you to encourage your children to be more loving.
I encourage you to model the practice of kindness and acceptance by living it in your own life.
23:38
And next time you come across, that kid, remember that someone calls them my kid and know that there’s a parent out there praying that the world might be just a little bit Kinder and hoping that someone will take the time to see a little bit deeper to who their child really is.
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You could be the answer to their prayer.
Thank you for being here with me today.
I look forward to continuing the discussion next time.
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